All in all, today was a pretty good day. My Mom stayed with me last night, which was nice, and then left this morning to get some SMU stuff done. Joey and Liam came with McDonald's breakfast and a lot of energy. Liam has certainly come into his own when he is in the hospital hospital. Seeing Mommy in the hospital bed does not faze him in the lease, which is a great thing!!! Some of Joey's family came by after Church to hang out for a while and then take Liam with them. Joey starts his 3 days on tonight and needs a pretty good nap during the day, so Cathy, Joey's Mom, watched Liam today. My Mom will spend the night at our house with Liam and take him to school tomorrow morning. We have decided that we want to keep Liam in school as long as we can. He needs structure in this time of craziness and to stay on his routine as much as possible. So, my fantastic family will pretty much be in charge of taking Liam to and from school on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings as well as sleep at our house Monday and Tuesday nights. Joey will then resume the "Liam Duty" Wednesday afternoons and the rest of the week. We will see how long they can all do this, but for now, this is the plan and mad does it take one little brick off of my shoulders at the moment.
As the title of my post says, the emotions were running rampant this evening. It started with me having to say "bye" to Liam. It seems to get harder and harder each time. I'm not sure if it is because I don't truly know how long I am in here for or if it is just the slow realization of how much of his life I am missing at the moment. All I know is that he kissed me goodbye, gave me a huge hug and walked out and I lost it...absolutely lost it. Joey came back and said that it was hard for him to say bye this time too since he had Liam all weekend to himself. Any shred of control vanished then and I was a crying basket case. And then the mini ranting started...missing out on Liam's life...missing our on Liam and Joey together...missing out on decorating for Christmas and getting our first Christmas tree for our new house...seeing Liam's face light up as he helped Joey put up our tree or set up the HUGE Santa and Snowman outside...Thank goodness my husband is a saint and just listened to me rant and cry. I eventually stopped...but then Joey had to leave and out came the tears again. This time not as bad, but they still fell.
So, Joey left and about 10 minutes later I got myself together. Then it hit me that tomorrow is Monday...The first Monday of many, many Monday's that I will not be in my classroom teaching my kiddos...okay, begin round three of tears...
Man when I have a cry, I really have a cry...This does not happen all the time, but when it does, watch out. But I do feel better after the fact and my sweet day nurse, Charlene, came in to make sure I was okay. She said that crying fits in this hall are incredibly normal, good to know, and to not feel bad. She brought me more kleenex and a jello to make me feel better. Funny how jello can make me smile =)
So I am now typing this, watching a sappy Christmas movie on Lifetime (Fa la la la Lifetime =) ) and eating hospital version of spaghetti and meatballs (not quite sure how I feel about it yet).
I promise tomorrow's post will have more to say and a lot less tears ;-) I see Dr. Watkins sometime tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to report some news =) Whether it is good or bad it will be news and news right now is what I want to have!
Goodnight from the land of bed rest and tears ;-)
It was always hard watching my kids leave after a visit. I felt guilty that I was missing so much. I missed their first day off at school. I missed Ella's first day of kindergarten. I was a total wreck when my son ended up in the hospital and I couldn't be there. Things are just out of our control sometimes and it SUCKS! We are so used to being in control of everything and then to have to take a back seat to it all and let someone/something else be in charge is a hard transition to make. My nurse told me usually it takes a week for you really let it sink and and hit you emotionally on what is really happening. They also said that this is when most women get put on some sort of antidepressant. I was against it at first but Zoloft became my best friend while I was there.
ReplyDeleteIt will get better I promise. You are making all the right choices when it comes to Liam. He needs his routine and schedule to go unaltered as long as possible. It makes all the difference in the world!
What I did to make me feel better about it all and to talk this whole bed rest thing up was think of the upsides such as... no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning, lots of relaxing, get to be waited on hand and foot, room service, lots of people sneeking in goodies, extra sleep ( ok maybe not but it sounds good at the time!)
I was hoping to come visit you today but due to this eye infection I decided not to be seen in public! If you are still there this weekend and if you are up to it. We will stop by and say hi and bring you some goodies! Oh ya and you need to decorate that room for Christmas!!